So tomorrow is World Book Day, or Dress Your Child Up In Whatever’s Available In Asda At The Last Minute Day, as I tend to think of it. Only this year I have been organised(ish). This year all three of my children are going as Harry Potter characters and I have made actual stuff, like some latter-day Stepford Wife.

Some things (the baby’s Dobby hat and my eldest son’s Dumbledore beard) I made using instructions I found via google, but the Dumbledore hat I made all by myself. And so childishly pleased with it am I that I decided to share the instructions with the entire world.

What you will need:

  • Fabric scraps (one the size of a side plate, plus strip just longer than the circumference of the plate)
  • Ribbon (same length as fabric strip)
  • Coloured yarn for tassel
  • Sewing machine, pins, side plate, chalk, thread, crochet hook

Step 1: Take the fabric you’re using for the top of the hat, place the side plate on it, draw round and cut out (I used some leftover velvet, no idea where I got it from).

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Step 2: Snip two small holes side by side in the centre of the circle of fabric. Cut eight pieces of yarn twice as long as you want the tassel to be, then loop them over and use the crochet hook to pull the loop through both holes and fix in a knot.

Step 3: Cut out the length of fabric to go round the sides, then pin and sew the ribbon to it. I made the sides about four inches deep and hate myself for not using centimetres, like a proper Remain voter.

Step 4: Right side to right side, pin the length of fabric to the top of the hat, all the while pretending this isn’t as fiddly as it actually is.

Step 5: Sew the length of fabric to the top of the hat, then sew up the side seam.

Step 6: Put on head of child. Send child to school. Feel smug when everyone else sends their child as a Disney Princess / Superhero / footballer without even bothering to reference a sodding book. Then feel ashamed of one’s own dark, bitter soul.

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Fin.