Rejoice! The latest vessel for the Royal seed has not been found wanting or, as the Telegraph puts it, “Meghan Markle is pregnant with Prince Harry’s first child”.
Like many, I’m finding this an enormous relief. There are only so many headlines about charity cookbooks a loyal subject can take. Finally, five months since the pair got married and a full half year since the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to her third, we can get back to the news that really matters: sexist royal pregnancy updates.
The Telegraph has made a strong start on this, with its boldly Aristotelian take on the mechanics of royal reproduction. Meanwhile the Sun is eager to remind us of “the royal pregnancy rules Meghan Markle will have to follow” (no travelling or baby showers, but midwives galore).
Hello! has chosen to regale us with “all the signs that hinted at Duchess Meghan’s pregnancy – from her outfits to her body language”. That’s right, ladies: no wearing of baggy dresses or maintaining of that “signature California-girl glow”, lest anyone should think you’re up the duff. And yes, it may be a mere seventeen days since we were all worrying about “the incredible shrinking duchess”, but turns out that’s just what happens when you’re “discreetly using [your] body language to hide any sign of a bump”.